I saw a photo of him today.
Well, actually I saw a great deal of photos of him today
because once I stumbled upon one,
I had to dig out the photo albums and flip through pages of many.
Well, actually I saw a great deal of photos of him today
because once I stumbled upon one,
I had to dig out the photo albums and flip through pages of many.
It’s so foreign now for me to think
that at one point
that stranger staring at me in those photos
meant the world to me.
that at one point
that stranger staring at me in those photos
meant the world to me.
Nine years older and nine years wiser am I
than I was the last time I touched him.
Since the last time I got a hug,
a kiss on the cheek,
or a phone call.
than I was the last time I touched him.
Since the last time I got a hug,
a kiss on the cheek,
or a phone call.
I’ve missed him for nine years
and I will continue to miss him
for as many more years as I live.
But now I will miss him in a slightly different way.
and I will continue to miss him
for as many more years as I live.
But now I will miss him in a slightly different way.
See, for these past nine years
I have missed the man
that I wish he would be
if he were here.
I have missed the man
that I wish he would be
if he were here.
But if he were here,
I realize that he would not be the man that I dream about.
When I look back in my mind, I see a fun-loving, happy, family man…
But when I look back at the pictures, I see a cold reminder of what was reality.
I realize that he would not be the man that I dream about.
When I look back in my mind, I see a fun-loving, happy, family man…
But when I look back at the pictures, I see a cold reminder of what was reality.
He loved me,
I’m sure of that.
But he wasn’t ready for the responsibility
of loving me.
I’m sure of that.
But he wasn’t ready for the responsibility
of loving me.
Because if he was ready…
If he was REALLY ready
to devote himself to loving me…
than I would have more than just a memory of him today.
If he was REALLY ready
to devote himself to loving me…
than I would have more than just a memory of him today.
I look at those photos
dated ten and twenty years back,
and a force in my chest
sends chills down my spine.
dated ten and twenty years back,
and a force in my chest
sends chills down my spine.
That man created me
with his love for a woman.
But I don’t think he was really ready
for the responsibility of devoting himself
to loving her either.
with his love for a woman.
But I don’t think he was really ready
for the responsibility of devoting himself
to loving her either.
What he did love was
euphoria, ecstasy, and pleasure
incomparable to anything that couldn’t be placed in a spoon,
dissolved into water,
and injected into his bloodstream.
euphoria, ecstasy, and pleasure
incomparable to anything that couldn’t be placed in a spoon,
dissolved into water,
and injected into his bloodstream.
I’ve known this since I was old enough to understand…
But for some reason I thought that if he was still here,
things would be different.
And maybe they would be…
But I will never get the chance to know,
and that makes a whirl of emotions tear apart my heart.
But for some reason I thought that if he was still here,
things would be different.
And maybe they would be…
But I will never get the chance to know,
and that makes a whirl of emotions tear apart my heart.
It was just so strange to see those pictures…
Pictures of a man who looked exactly like I last saw him in person…
But nothing like the man that I’ve seen in my mind
for the past nine years.
Pictures of a man who looked exactly like I last saw him in person…
But nothing like the man that I’ve seen in my mind
for the past nine years.
*Amber
I am saddened by this. Beautifully saddened. It's not an "Oh my Bleeding Agony" kind of poem, but a simple, poetic explanation of real life at a moment in a woman's life that just moves the heart of any caring man. This is a thoughtful piece, Thank you.
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